Iggy Pop - Swiftcover car insurance

First we had Johnny Rotten buttering our crumpets, and now we’ve got Sir Iggy Pop keeping us safe on the roads. What next? Topper Headon extolling the virtues of BUPA healthcare? Pete Shelley selling Fruit Pastilles? It may sound far-fetched, but the floodgates have been opened. Stooges guitarist Ron Asheton was found dead of a suspected heart attack in his house this week. No doubt induced by the sight of his muscled frontman calling for diligence amongst the nation’s motorists. It’s a terrible ad - the first time I saw it I caught AIDS. Asheton was not as fortunate though. But enough about death and pestilence. The point is, Iggy shouldn’t have car insurance and we all know why



A)He should have a chauffer. B) He should be too off his face to drive. And C) Should he attempt to drive in an intoxicated state and end up crashing, then he should just do the decent thing and leap from his car, stride greasy and topless towards his victim with a wild look in his eyes, like a drug-fuelled version of the metal-man from Terminator 2 and shout in their face: “I’m a street walking cheetah with a heart full of napalm, I’m a runaway son of the nuclear A-bomb.” Before thrusting a wad of dollar bills in their face and telling them to ‘buy a new effin’ car’ and furthermore to ‘watch where they’re effin’ going.’ Then screeching away from the scene with No Fun blaring out at an industrial level. But we now know that’s what he WOULDN’T do in the event of an RTA. He’d swap details like a good citizen, and as he did so, there’d be no hope left in the world for anyone anywhere. Least of all the customers of Swiftcover.