Blackburn Feels The Wrath Of Ofcom

Veteran broadcaster and queen of the jungle Tony Blackburn has been found guilty by Ofcom of misleading his listener by running competitions that couldn’t be won. The quizzes ran on five editions of his show on BBC London 94.9 in 2005 and 2006. The shows were pre-recorded so there was no way to take part in them. Having found him guilty, Ofcom have taken the unprecedented step of allowing I’m A Celebrity presenters Ant and Dec to choose a punishment for the former winner of the show: “Blimey man!” Said Ant and Dec: “Wor Tony’s made a right pig’s ear of that quiz man. We’re gonna get him involved in a bush-tucker trial in the next series man.” After speaking to an insider at the show, I can exclusively reveal what lies in wait for the Vietnam veteran Blackburn. The celebrities will be starved like Pavlov’s dogs and fed only on PCP and amphetamines. Whilst Blackburn, 4’3, will be dropped into the jungle armed only with a toy light-sabre and a super-soaker 2000. The celebrities will then be given one hour to stalk and capture him before punching him to death and cooking him in an antique bathtub liberated from the set of Last Of The Summer Wine. I contacted Tony with the information and he took time out of his busy schedule smearing his own shit up the walls of his bedsit to give a defiant response: “Bring it on. I spent 18 months in the bush and I could snap all their necks in a heartbeat. They haven’t considered that I might kill my hunters? Fools. They don’t call me the Rambo of radio for nothing you know.” This reporter for one, will be keeping a close eye on the proceedings down-under.